Alas
by Pete Marshall
Dreams are doubts that spinners weave
and hope is lost in make believe
for in this realm where lovers leap
where leeches suck and ogres creep
and truths are hid behind a screen
a flickered mask of hopes & dreams
a cradled babe for all to preen
and puff their pride beyond extreme.
Life that ebbs and gently flows
that hides the storm as tempers glow
and spawns a mind of vicious twists
who pray to Gods that don’t exist
but sit up high within the skies
and eek their truths with wicked lies
and from the clouds where heavens seek
to strike the damned and rule the meek.
Hope has blown though all my dreams
as spinners cut the threaded seams
that patched my quilt of sheltered life
embroidered thoughts of paradise
and apples scrumped from guarded trees
enlighten minds to trickery
and make it all so plain to see
that dreams are doubts that spinners weave
****************
Today I am the host of One Shot Wednesday, which opens tonight at 10pm UK time. In my introduction tonight I mention an article by Brian Miller about Blogging & Commenting, and whilst I state that commenting and interaction can be fun I feel I must also explain my position on this as over the last few weeks I have not been seen about commenting as often as I normally do.
The reason for this is, to be honest, I enjoy reading poetry more than I do commenting. I find it very hard to read through everything that is posted and then think of a comment to write afterwards. I am much happier just reading the poetry, savouring it and enjoying it.
The detrimental effect of this however is that comments are becoming lesser on my own blog, but to be honest this I do not mind. If somebody is only commenting on my poetry because I comment on theirs then I would rather not have their comment. I want an audience that WANTS to read my work NOT because I have commented on their work.
I have found that by no longer commenting as often as I would I am achieving a clearer, more concise, critique of my work.
This does not mean however that I do not wish to comment, I love commenting on the wonderful features spotlighted at One Stop as much as I love reading the wonderful poetry submitted to One Shot.
My blog is purely a place to publish poetry which is there to be read and critisiced as one desires. All I ask is that if you wish to comment please do so because you want to.
Blogging can be and is fun...through One Stop Poetry a place has been created where Poetry can be celebrated and it is through One Stop where I enjoy the Blogging experience...as for this Blog, I am more at home socialising through either Twitter or email..
Thank you for listening and reading my work
image courtesy creative commons flickr http://www.flickr.com/photos/looking4poetry/
38 comments:
this was very honest pete ...i often see my dreams as the fine-spun silver-shining threads that bridge my doubts..and help me fly..
i hear you on the commenting"issue" - not easy to find a good balance..still trying to find mine..
Notions of hypocrisy and subterfuge in your poem are stated brilliantly and eloquently. Cheers, bro
Your writing is always so eloquent without one wasted word. It's a joy to read you.
Your rhymed pieces are getting tighter and tighter, pete. This one circles back to the opening line and closes all the thoughts with a perfect strong finish.
I too appreciate your honesty, although I agree that to be read, we need to give of ourselves. It is harder than getting into a lit mag, to build an audience. You build your reputation by putting good work up, but yet you want to hold some back to send out. You don't want to sell out when you comment, but you want to encourage-- always a fine line.
I personally would like to see what you could do if you didn't keep rhyming. there's nothing wrong with poems in form/prosody-- it's just that sometimes you need to break out and reach and drive for a whole new way to put things. That said, I love a number of the lines in this poem-- the fruit scrumbed from the trees. Language like that, innovative, unusual, crisp, hard, raw, is what I look for and strive for. xxJenne'
My comment is this: I enjoyed your poem very much. Why? Was it the rhyming - the rhythm- the combination? The subject, maybe? Doesn't matter - I just liked it! Thanks. :)
I love your poetry and your use of language. It's difficult about commenting ~ I don't always because so many have before me! And like you say it's good to have honest critique. This is a great poem as far as I'm concerned. : )
"as spinners cut the threaded seams
that patched my quilt of sheltered life" ~ Great lines in here Pete. Well done.
Someone who writes like you do, someone who recites their lines so rhythmically & rhymely-as if to the wind where God, yes that God that does not exist,... and believes in dreams and can put them here like this... well, that someone is a poet from a place most humans call heaven.
I'll always say a cheeky hello to my southern bloke lol. I started reading your work last March, and I can honestly say that this was one of the blogs that made me want to write poetry for a larger audience. Lots of bloggers comment for comments which irks me, we had this conversation before. Ego boosting aside, we write because were passionate, and your passion is evident in every single word Pete. Just keep doing what your doing love, respect to you x
Another clever piece, Pete - eloquently writ, solid rhyme throughout. Enjoyed the circular nature of the beast, so to speak...well executed.
And as for the notes on commenting, I admire you for coming out and saying it straight up. It's true...many people seem to comment merely for comments. A bit discouraging. Yet of course it's never enough merely to write - there is no audience in it. Yet you don't want to be caught for hours commenting, spending your time and effort pouring over words to say of others work, simply to get maybe a word or two from them on your own, and nary another if you don't have another comment for them in turn...ah, writing, and our dear writers, it is a curious field, to say the least. It has its challenges and its trials, same as any...
Guess there's a balance that must be found, as Claudia said.
whoa, pete! not much left to say that's not aleady said, but you had me from the opening line. love that grabbing line. great job!
Monty / bummy
tight write pete...dreams come and go and you can seel your soul for one that falls only to find that another is waiting even better...i still like to dream though.
i hear you on commenting man, it can be quite the task to keep up with...the cool thing is that it is the choice of each in what they want...i would never want someone to feel they had to read me out of obligation...there are some days i dont want to read me...lol.
Pete, it's scary how often your words echo my own thoughts and doubts
and I applaud your refreshing honesty on commenting.
I feel the same way
Nice flow Pete, very tight metering...
Pete,
nice piece, tightly written with the
rhyming.
As for the commenting post, it is a
double-edged sword. I feel bad if I
can't respond back to folks individually.
I also, only comment if I like the
piece.
Pamela
what a complex mind you have, intricate thoughts you weave and every word is spun on the loom of a pen.
such beautiful words that you have masterfully romanced onto the page. I love your work, style just everything.
I follow you because I love reading your work I comment because you stir the writer in me.
thank you
Dreams are doubts that spinners weave ...
wow that's harsh but life and reality can be a wall
I appreciate you and your honesty as a writer my friend
Moonie
Thank you :)
You have a great sound for the language here. It just flows and compels me to read!
Love the lines like bread the sandwich the meat of this one. "Dreams are doubts that spinners weave." I am mulling this over and over.
This is really tightly put together. Excellent write!
=)) One word in caps: MAGNIFICENT! ~April
If I say I loved it, that would be an understatement!
I have been writing about (my) life most of the time. Life stances inspires me.. likewise, I love to read about it as well! What you have written is an ugly truth expressed beautifully.. something that stares back at us all the time n we close our eyes to ignore.. getting caught apparently..
Thanks for stopping by Pete.. much appreciated- Hugs xox
An Even Hand
Hopes, dreams and visions then
Cannot be delivered by the mail of men
From whence do they come
And who can we trust?
That the quilt got here
With a minimum of fuss.
Yes, it must be designed, sown and given
By the hands of simple folk
Who make the best of their livin'
Me thinks the trouble with hopes and dreams
Are the broken ones that remain unforgiven.
OneLove--Tiger Windwalker
re. Commenting
A lot of what I read turns me off, so I have to honor what I feel and move on. When I find something I like or can really feel the poet, I like to respond (comment) in kind--with a poem. Somehow this is my natural response rather than the blah-blah, repetitive same old crap stuff that's out there. This is hard work for me as I emulate the effort of the host author's poem. I can't do everybody and I am often exhausted at the end of the day. But somehow this is what I feel is appropriate among poets. Also, I try to pick up on a theme or respond to deeper issues raised in the poem or maybe there is some quality in the poet, him(her)self, that draws my attention. Just repeating lines back to a poet and saying "well crafted" or "a good write" is unbecoming for individuals identifying themselves as deep and adept observers of Life.
OnePoet--Tiger Windwalker
always wonder where p. marshal is...
Oh maaann.. I am a dreamer TO THE CORE...but along with that, I am a believer too... I guess that gives me an edge..
The hints of misshapen hope mixed with white lies that come as part of dreams are really beautifully (and subtly)expressed in your poem here, Pete.. I really liked how you did that!
And most of all, I appreciate the honesty and directness both in the poem AND in what you've written beneath it...
Comments are something..not everything! :) And to me, it's your good poetry and wonderful insights that that make me want to visit you again and again...
Best wishes, my friend..
Mood-intensive, incisive, memorable.
This was lovely. The tone flowed with the words. Nice one!
This is awesome, Pete. I love every line. I couldn't pick even one line to single out. They are all just perfect.
I'm always awed at your rhymes because it is for me a test--either in exact measure or a beat within. I like the tone of this poem, irony isn't easy for eloquence and thanks for sharing it. Yes, I do, tweet! I'll send my tweet button in your mail.
I enjoyed the straightforwardness in this verse.. I liked it very much...
ॐ नमः शिवाय
Om Namah Shivaya
http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com/2011/03/whispers-winter-dew.html
Twitter @VerseEveryDay
your poetry is remarkable mate, really remarkable, this was awsome :)
Haven't visited you for a couple of weeks Pete, really struggling to keep up with the blogging as well as the Facebook group. I am never disappointed when I do finally make it through your door though, there's always something delicious on the table, though invariably I miss lunch and make it just in time for supper :D
I find that poets who write in rhyme often find themselves sacrificing the narrative for the rhyme but this never happens with you. The rhymes are always effortless, the rhythm spot on and your pieces are always woven together with a simple truth.
Love the repetition of the spinners in this, particularly these lines
Hope has blown though all my dreams
as spinners cut the threaded seams
Great one shot.
a very powerful poem on a harsh reality of life. and it is so beautifully crafted.
you are honest and i can relate to this. I am relatively new on this platform and have shied away from commenting even though I would be enjoying their write as I felt people would think it a compulsion to get back to me and comment as a return gift.
Nevertheless it does brighten up my day multi fold when I see comments for myself. (a sheepish grin)
I did trace back your comment and reached your blog but I have experienced a true poetic journey over here and enjoyed every bit of it.
Oh, formidable. You love words don't you! I find it difficult to write well structured rhyming poetry...that ALSO carries weight,
...where heavens seek
to strike the damned and rule the meek....
and fabulous image. I'm a Rembrant here!
It's a beautiful poem.
That read like wild blackberries on my tongue. I thoroughly enjoyed both the sweet and the tart of it. Cheers.
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