The Pulse
I count the beat within my head
you whisper words so soft and true
I feel the heat that warms our bed
The love that flows our passions fed
that makes me cling inside of you
I count the beat within my head
I feel you rush as love is spread
upon the throw you softly mew
I feel the heat that warms our bed
As love lays blind and hope lays dead
where now its just a wanton screw
I count the beat within my head
The crimson sheets where love has bled
the punctured vein the blood you drew
I feel the heat that warms our bed
Into the night this evil fled
to leave me here in solitude
I count the beat within my head
I feel the heat that warms our bed
***********
this poem, The Pulse, is my first ever attempt at writing in the style, villanelle, which is being highlighted at One Stop Poetry. If you would like to know more about this style of writing please visit the following link;
image creative commons http://www.flickr.com/photos/amanky/
19 comments:
Great poem, Pete - full of life and passion and love.
Nice villanelle, pete, avoiding the monotony of the repetition by the movement in the narrative and pace. Liked it very much.
Nice 1st attempt, read like you've been doing them a while.
Darkly sensual. I verymuch enjoyed this one.
You are the king of rhyme...I bow before you lol. Pete this is amazing...I'm going to rewrite
love,passion, longing, and a bit of darkness I enjoyed your poem.
That was your 1st attempt? No, come on. Really? Wow! Very well done.
Most excellent...you rocked that villanelle! It is a fun form...I'm still hung up on my sestina.
oh my goodness pete - now this was HOT..!! cough - forgot to look at the form... no seriously - if i'm not terribly wrong you have written this in perfect iambic tetrameter..kudos..perfect use of form and all the emotions...wow..
Yay, you wrote one Pete! Passion on the page until half way through and then that 'wanton screw' really switched the mood of the piece. Hell of a twist that blood warms the bed instead of love. Hat's off to you matey, great first villanelle.
Carys
You conquered the form in one! Iambic tetrameter is the lyricist in you. I've read you in other metered feet but this rhythm and meter length is your own true voice. Beautifully written and no stretch, as always to make the rhyme seem natural and unforced. Wonderful.
Gay
that was hot...mewing...you are doing something right...snort
oh.... I think you've got 'it'... phew!
Success at last. I thought I would never get the poem up. I like the new style. It works really well. A very passiontae piece.
Yet again, this is a poem of yours that I will read over and over. The progression of love to such a dark end and the sensual nature of it are powerful. The alternate use of the beat/heat lines is very effective. The words you choose are striking:
"As love lays blind and hope lays dead"
being just one example. They'd make great song lyrics, too.
No one would have realized that this was your first "attempt" at this form, Pete, if you hadn't told us. You appear to have mastered it in one try.
LOVE this! dani
The villanelle is one of my favorite forms, and this was fantastic!
"I count the beat within my head
you whisper words so soft and true
I feel the heat that warms our bed"..
So lovely...
I love villanelle's... :)
ok Pete I really really really like this one. HOWEVER, i feel like you're denying us from a truth at the end. ??
amy jo
wonderful vivid imagery of passion and love
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